5 Ways to Encourage Your Spouse After A Bad Day At Work

Adulting can be hard sometimes! As much as we may try not to let our work life get in the way of us enjoying our home life, it is impossible to completely separate the two, especially when we face exceptionally trying circumstances. When you’ve had an awful day at the office or even at home with the kids, it can be nearly impossible to turn that frustration off when you see your spouse again at the end of the day. None of us want to let the stress that is pushed on us due to work problems be a catalyst for additional problems at home; we need the support of our partners to help us put aside the stress from the day.

While we can’t ignore the fact that a bad day at work comes home with you most times, we can be intentional about being a safe space for our spouses to decompress. Just five minutes of intentional listening, encouragement, supportive words, and maybe even a quick prayer together can help alleviate the tension that would like to invade your home.

Here are a few great ways to encourage your spouse after they have endured a bad day at work:

1. Offer a Listening Ear

When your spouse makes it home, it can be hard to resist the temptation to dive straight into the dinnertime routine, but one of the greatest gifts we can offer our partner is an intentional pause for you to give them your undivided attention. When they are trying to express what happened from the day that might be stressing them out, it can be very frustrating if you are only half-listening. We are all guilty of getting the dishes done while catching up on the events of the day, but when spouses are carrying a lot of emotional weight, what they require is a safe and uninterrupted space to vent. Be sure to pause together, don’t interrupt while they share what is on their heart, and don’t offer advice right away. First, let them get it all off their chest before trying to help them solve it.

2. Offer Support

When we listen to our partners, we must use encouraging language when responding to their concerns. Make sure you take time to show them empathy. It is not the time to take the opportunity to compare notes on “who has it harder.” Truly put yourself in their shoes. Stress endurance is not a competition! But the struggle to not compare notes in a marriage is real. My wife has often come home stressed from her workload, and my automatic thought is, “at least she got to leave the house without the kids slowing you down.” These kinds of thoughts make it impossible for me to be a supportive person for my wife. If I negate her every complaint because, in my mind, I have it worse, she will eventually stop feeling safe to confide in me.

Suppose you truly are too stressed to be able to offer sympathy or empathy for your spouse. In that case, it’s best to just express to them that you need to have this conversation later when you feel more capable of offering the emotional support that they need.

3. Offer Advice and Ask Helpful Questions

After taking the time to truly hear your partner’s concerns, now offer some helpful advice and ask probing questions. As the person who knows your spouse best, you can provide some good insight into better navigating work stressors. Take time to reflect together on how to manage the situation better.

Some helpful questions to consider are: What makes you think that is the case? Would a different response be beneficial in this situation? How does this situation make you feel? Are others affected by this dynamic? How are they responding? Can I offer a suggestion for going forward? If you ask before offering your advice, they are more likely to be willing to hear what you have to say.

4. Encourage Them to Recharge Outside of Work

You are not your spouse’s only place to receive support and advice. If they face a difficult work situation that can’t be changed overnight, help them utilize additional resources to find support and destress. Encourage them to confide in a friend, counselor, or mentor.

Think of some self-care strategies to employ during the workday and outside the workday. Some ways to help better manage stress include regular exercise, better eating habits, daily time spent in prayer and meditation, regular breaks to stretch/rest during the workday, or regular time connecting with friends during the month. Choose something that will help you find pockets of rest that will help you to recharge during the week.

5. Make Your Home an Oasis

Your home should be your oasis from the stresses of the world. Not to say your home needs to be perfect–everyone endures occasional arguments or miscommunications, and our homes always take time and effort to keep up. Still, overall, your home should be the place that you are best able to relax. Find ways to decompress at the end of a hard day together!

For my wife and I, this can look like spending an hour at the end of the day, once our kids are in bed, watching something humorous. An evening walk or bike ride can be a great way to connect and decompress when the weather is nice. Spending some time playing a game together as a family can help melt away the day’s stress. Being intentional about creating space for fun and relaxation in your home as a couple is so important in managing all the weight the world would like to place on our shoulders.

Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” When we face anxiety, distressing circumstances, and difficulties, one of the most powerful things we can do is bring our circumstances to the Lord in prayer. Alongside these wonderful practical ways to help support your partner, we must also take time to bring God into the equation. He knows our exact circumstances and has the power to work on our behalf mercifully.

Lessons from Jairus

Jairus. A synagogue ruler. A man of position. A father. Jairus. Scripture doesn’t share his full name, details about his appearance, or what his daily routine included. Yet, Jairus was an important part of history. His faith and dedication to Jesus were strong. The devotion to his daughter can teach everyone the importance of going to God at all times.

Learning about Jairus can help us understand the depth of faith and devotion to God and family. Jairus was a ruler in the synagogue. His family included a young daughter who was about 12 years old. We don’t have specifics about other members of his family. His daughter was the one who would play a significant role in helping others know about the power of Jesus. The faith that Jairus had would show others the importance of believing in Jesus.

The daughter of Jairus was ill. She was so sick that Jairus knew the only way she would be healed was if Jesus could visit her and provide healing.

Jairus went to find Jesus and ask him to come and lay hands on his daughter. Jesus had been traveling from town to town. He had healed many people of illnesses and unclean spirits. Jairus had heard about the healings and knew Jesus would be the only one to heal his daughter.

Jesus was in Galilee and went out in the morning to a deserted place to pray.

Jesus had already performed many healings and had given instructions to the people not to tell anyone. One example was when Jesus cleansed a leper and told him not to let anyone know about the healing (Luke 5:14 NIV). But the leper told everyone and because of the people learning about that healing and others, the crowds became larger. Jesus could not go out in public at times. He stayed in the country and people came to Him.

Imagine the sights and sounds of the time. Donkeys, camels, dust from the dirt roads filling the air. Voices loud and quiet. People of all ages trying to get a glimpse of Jesus. Some believers and some skeptics. Would there be some unbelievers who changed once they saw Jesus? Would some people need tangible proof? Or would others believe in the miracles of Jesus because of their strong faith?

Jairus found Jesus and asked him to come and lay hands on his daughter so she would live. Jesus had been answering questions about fasting. Jairus approached Jesus. In the gospel of Matthew, we read that the girl has just died (Matthew 9:18 NIV). Yet, in the gospel of Mark, we read that Jairus tells Jesus that his daughter is dying (Mark 5:23 NIV) Either way, this heartbroken father seeks out Jesus because he knows that is the only way his daughter will be healed.

Jesus answered by leaving to accompany Jairus to go to the daughter. The disciples of Jesus went along, too.

The faith of Jairus was strong.

Scripture doesn’t give details about the illness of the daughter of Jairus or even her name. We don’t know if she had been sick for a long period of time or if this was a quick illness. That detail didn’t stop Jesus from going to see the girl. Jairus asked, and Jesus answered (Luke 8:40-42 NIV). Perhaps we aren’t given the specifics about her illness because that would take away from the importance of the healing. Jesus can heal any illness. From major illnesses to minor scrapes and bruises, to emotional turmoil to sad moments, Jesus can heal.

Imagine Jairus leaving the bedside of his daughter to go and find Jesus. When our loved ones are sick, we often want to be nearby to help in any way we can. Jairus trusted that by leaving his daughter and searching for Jesus, all would be well in the end.

Could Jairus have sent a servant or someone else to find Jesus? Yes. But Jairus chose to search for Jesus himself and make the request for Jesus to visit the daughter. Powerful love of a father for a child. Think about how our Heavenly Father searches for us and He is always ready to hear our prayers.

As Jesus, the disciples, and Jairus travel back to the home of Jairus, the crowds follow. Along the way, something interesting happens. Jesus feels someone touch the hem of his cloak (or garment). Immediately Jesus stopped and asked who had touched him (Luke 8:45 NIV). There was a woman who had dealt with a bleeding condition for 12 years. Notice the number. The daughter of Jairus was 12 years old. This woman had bled for 12 years. The woman explained that no one could heal her, yet she knew Jesus could. Her faith was strong. When the woman heard Jesus ask who had touched Him, she went and fell at His feet. She explained why she had touched Him and how she had been healed instantly. The crowd listened.

Jesus told her to go in peace because her faith had healed her. Another similarity to Jairus. This woman had faith so strong that she believed simply touching the hem of the garment of Jesus would heal her. She didn’t ask to speak to Him or for Him to perform a miracle. Her faith made her know that a touch of his garment would provide healing.

The faith of Jairus was strong and he believed that Jesus would heal his daughter by laying hands on her.

In the book of Luke, we learn that someone from the house of Jairus approaches to let Jairus know his daughter had died. That person tells Jairus not to bother Jesus anymore. There is nothing to be done now because the daughter is dead. Disappointment may have filled the heart of Jairus at that moment. Yet Jesus speaks and tells him not to be afraid and that his daughter will be healed.

They continue the journey to the house. When arriving, the sounds of wailing and mourning fill the air. Jesus speaks and tells the people to stop wailing. Jesus tells them that the girl is not dead. She is asleep.

Once again, there were unbelievers. Those people laughed.

Jesus would perform a miracle. Jesus took the girl by the hand and told her to get up. He called her “My child.” 

At once, the daughter of Jairus stood. She was healed by Jesus.

Jesus asks her parents to give her something to eat. The girl was filled with spiritual nourishment from Jesus. Now, she needed physical nourishment.

Reading the story about the healing of the daughter of Jairus can teach us valuable lessons. Jairus had strong faith, strong enough to trust that leaving his ill daughter to find Jesus would be the right thing to do. Even as news that his daughter had died, Jairus listened to Jesus and continued on the journey back home.

Jairus trusted and had faith in the power of Jesus. The prayers of Jairus were answered.

We can always trust in the Lord. His answers may or may not be the ones we desire, yet we can always find comfort in going to Him.

Have you ever experienced a situation where your faith was tested? Did your faith in God bring peace and comfort? Were your prayers answered in the way you wanted?

Do you need specific details to believe in answered prayers? Or do you pray and trust God to answer in His timing and in His way?

These are important questions in the life of believers and for those who are yearning to develop a relationship with God. Our words and actions can have an impact on others. In every moment, we have the opportunity to draw closer to God and to help others draw closer to Him. Remember the faith of Jairus and the healing of his daughter.

Beware False Teachers

For the past several years, we’ve watched over and over as famous pastor-teachers go through very public falls from enormous heights. Bill Hybels, founding pastor of Willow Creek, resigned in April 2018 after allegations of sexual harassment and abuse of power.

James MacDonald, founding pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel, was fired in February 2019 for creating a culture of fear and intimidation and for enabling financial mismanagement.

Carl Lentz, pastor of Hillsong East Coast, was let go in November 2020 for “moral failures,” including an adulterous affair, and now stands accused of sexual abuse.

As a pastor and minister of the Gospel, I have watched these stories emerge with deep sorrow and not a little anger. My frustration is not just for the people and communities harmed by these leaders but also for the way these pastors’ lives contradicted and undermined the gospel they preached. I am compelled to examine my own life too.

Though the details of the stories vary, all were men who claimed to have the “right” doctrinal content in their books and sermons. Yet they had been denying Christ and leading people astray with their actions long before their failures were publicly known. These pastor-teachers confessed Christ with their mouths but denied him with their bodies. They were (and are) a different kind of false teacher: heretics of the heart.

The example of Mark Driscoll—whose story is now being revisited in depth through The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast—is illustrative of my point. He denies the full humanity of women in both word and deed, advocates for profane views of gender and sex, rages with unrepentant pride, engages in habitual self-promotion, and manipulates and abuses others. Why, then, for so long was he able to avoid being denounced as a false teacher?

In his head, he might have what many consider to be the right doctrinal content. But he is teaching with his whole person—words and deeds—not just explicitly named doctrines. And it is his embodied teaching that causes the weak to stumble, leads many astray, and drives countless others away from Christ.

History serves as a helpful reference point. The early creeds summarize both the gospel and core Christian doctrine. They contain what Christians were handed on—what the word “tradition” means—and also what the church has concluded is essential to preserve and pass down.

Christians have believed and confessed these core teachings or doctrines for going on two millennia. And we must continue to do so, not in a mouthing-the-words way but in a conviction-of-the-heart-and-mind way. The church has learned through the ages that to deny the core doctrines of our faith is to deny Christ.

Indeed, anyone who teaches against the core doctrines of our faith can rightly be called a false teacher. And the Word of God shows that these men who I mentioned above did not teach full truth.

Yes, the New Testament speaks of false teachers whose doctrine denies core elements of the apostolic gospel. The apostle Paul often condemns and warns against those refuting the gospel through the content of their instruction (see Gal. 1:6; Col. 2:20; 1 Tim. 1:3). But there are also instances when false teaching is equated with behavior, practice, or a way of life.

Consider, for example, the Epistle of Jude (and its parallel in 2 Peter 2). We love to quote Jude’s admonition to “contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints” (v. 3). But what exactly does this faith entail?

Jude continues: “For certain intruders have stolen in among you, people who long ago were designated for this condemnation as ungodly, who pervert the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ” (v. 4).

Jude encourages us to confront ungodly and licentious living. The emphasis on practice continues through the rest of the short epistle, adding further details about false teachers’ denial of the faith. They “defile the flesh, reject authority,” and participate in “deeds of ungodliness” (vv. 8, 15). Also, they “are grumblers and malcontents; they indulge their own lusts; they are bombastic in speech, flattering people to their own advantage” (v. 16).

In short, the false teachers Jude warns against are denying Christ not necessarily through their doctrine but through their behavior.

Consider, for example, evangelical pastor-teachers like George Whitefield, who not only enslaved Black people—many of whom were Christian sisters and brothers—but also fought to secure the institution of slavery in the state of Georgia.

Consider also pastor-teachers like Douglas Hudgins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Jackson, Mississippi, and one of the most influential Southern Baptist preachers in his day. He obstructed the civil rights movement and vocally resisted integration efforts, leading his church to ban Black Christians from religious assemblies.

Even when we account for their multilayered historical contexts, it’s still astonishing to study these men and their indifference to Black suffering and liberation. Perhaps it makes sense, then, that Whitefield, Hudgins, and others kept doctrine and practice largely divorced from each other.

At least partly due to this history, some evangelicals have embraced false or oversimplified assumptions about the connection between the two. But, as historian Jemar Tisby said recently, “We have to understand that theology is not merely stated but lived.”

Indeed, relegating Christianity to the realm of doctrinal propositions inevitably leads to, as theologian William Cavanaugh says, “limiting the range of Christian faith from the entire body of the believer to the space between the ears.”

Those who take this more compartmentalized approach often assume that right doctrine will inevitably lead to right practice. That’s simply not the case. Conversely, some believers attend to their actions without caring about the doctrinal commitments that undergird (or contradict) those very behaviors.

Fundamentally, right action is fueled and directed by biblical and theological truth. And right doctrine is only meaningful and substantive when it takes on flesh in faithful practice. We cannot have one without the other. They go together.

Our Lord preached good news that assumed the total integration of belief and action: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock” (Matt. 7:24). Or, very simply, “Follow me” (Luke 5:27; John 1:43).

It’s no surprise that Jesus told the apostles before his ascension to “make disciples of all nations” by baptizing them in Jesus Name and “teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you” (Matt. 28:19–20). His life and ministry make clear that what we teach others includes both what’s in our heads and what we do with our bodies.

Working For Hope; Not Waiting For Hope

The pandemic’s collateral damage has been the ability to dream, plan, and hope for the future.

As Christians, we believe hope is an important part of our shared faith as well as our personal walk. But Scripture suggests something more radical: Hope is not the privilege of the naturally optimistic; it is the responsibility of all who believe. Hope is the means by which we align not simply our plans but also ourselves with God. It is how we move toward the future He is preparing for us in order to join Him there.

Perhaps the most-often quoted (and most misunderstood) passage about looking to the future with hope is Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Christians often interpret this as a blanket promise that “good things are right around the corner.” If we just keep a positive mental outlook, we can know that God has blessings in store.

But contextually, this promise is given to the Jews recently exiled to Babylon. The faithful remnant had heeded Jeremiah’s warnings to submit to the coming judgment, and now in Babylon, they receive a letter from him telling them to settle down there. In the wake of uncertainty and loss, they’re asked to make long-term commitments like marrying, building houses, and planting gardens.

Imagine how hard it would be to build a house when each stone reminds you of the ones you’ve lost. How difficult to put seeds in the ground, knowing the time they take to mature and knowing that you might still be in Babylon when they do. How difficult to create marriages and families, to bring new life into the world when your loved ones have just been taken from it.

God’s promise is no refrigerator magnet. It’s a call to the hard work of hope. This labor of expectation, as we might call it, carries us forward in multiple ways.

At the very least, it teaches us to trust a Person and not our plans. As James puts it, we have to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that” (4:15). It means leaning into the truth that “humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (Prov. 16:9).

But trusting God with the future does not mean denying our present difficulties or ceasing to plan for the future ourselves. Just as we must avoid shallow positivity, we must also avoid fatalism, especially when clothed in spiritual language.

During a recent press conference, for example, Mississippi governor Tate Reeves suggested that Southerners were less scared of COVID-19 because they believed in heaven. “When you believe in eternal life—when you believe that living on this earth is but a blip on the screen,” he said, “then you don’t have to be so scared of things.”

While our hope in God is an eternal hope, it does not bypass our present life as a “blip on the screen.” It is as relevant to our current experiences as it is to the future, precisely because our earthly lives hold their own expectations and promise: growing old to see grandchildren, completing a passion project, or establishing a legacy for those who come after you. Hope does the hard work of wanting these things, even as we entrust them to God.

Here is something even more astounding. Ecclesiastes chapter 11 suggests that surrendering to God’s plans actually leads to more planning, more expectation, and a widening sense of possibility in this present life. Rather than leaving you helpless, putting your trust in God gives you what you need to keep working and hoping.

“Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap,” writes the Preacher. “[But] as you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things” (Ecc. 11:4–5).

Those who are waiting for “just the right time”—when everything is perfect and there’s no threat of loss—will never plan or plant anything. But the fact that we don’t know what the future holds also means we don’t know which good things God is planning. So, the Preacher concludes, “sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well” (v. 6).